Stay Soft

Program Notes

This piece could mean a few different things to me, but at its core it represents the struggle to stay “soft” in a society where one often needs to steel themself to survive. I certainly relate this to my own experience as a trans woman seeing increasing levels of conservative and fascist ideologies emboldening around me, but I also see it within my communities. Cis women, cis queer men, trans people, all hardening themselves and becoming more conservative—some even relying on those white supremacist, heteropatriarchal structures in order to make it through in their respective fields. I find this is prevalent even in music, as melodies and harmonies are not without their politics. Am I, a trans composer, shooting myself in the foot by using pop-influenced harmonic language that doesn’t feel very “contemporary?” Would I be better off writing music that wasn’t so much about me and my big, trans feelings? Maybe. But this feels good, and right now I need to feel good.

Does this all make me “soft?” Maybe. But this feels good, and right now I need to feel good.